Ohh gosh im tired..

Hello its been 3 days that i didnt post a messages here.. im just busy and have some stuff that i need to be done.. thats why i forget to post everything that happaned to me here..But ohhhhhhhhhh jezzzz im TIREDDDDDDD
okay i went to work today. then one of my coworker was going to quit her job.. so they hired another waitress again to work over there in my work.. she been working there before.. and she want to come back soo my boss hired her..

im little bit stress becouse i didnt really enjoy my job.. and everytimes i go to work.. i always thinking to my mind that i need to be faster.. need to be like this need to be like that..Im Tryingggg for God sake..LOL and here what i feel everytimes i going to get the order of the old folks out there.. they looking at you very stranges look..
and if u mess up something.. gosh.. maybe i just need to emproved my self.. im Shy to talk to them im just do my job like what the best thing need to do.. thats what i do.. im trying to make them all happy. even if i can't.. Im trying the best i can to like it.. some of them are very wonderfull person.. but i guess this job is not for me..im working my butt off very hard..coz thats what i am.. i can't leaving without the job done.. and i wanted that my boss was happy to work that i do.i dont want they say something that ohh she's not good at this etc.etc..i know sometimes im not perfect.im okay if the girl was helping me.. but sometimes its me also.. im shy to ask help to her.. so i look like frustrated.. like im trying to deal the stuff on my own.. and figure it out by my self. thats what my attitude is.. ill rather be like that that ask help to someone.. i dont want they thinking is .. i can't handle everything lol or always asking help .. help here help there.becouse thats what i am.. and i can't change it.. u know what im talking about..ohhh boyyyyyyy

i really miss staying at home waaaaaaaaaa if i can back that days.. i will do it but i can't.. i need to help my husband here at the house..
soo anyway.. im trying to pose a picture but i dont know how. i kept trying but always fail gosh.. i talk to my mom early in the morning.. we just talk a bunch of stuff.. she said my dad was have a sick and my little bro.. and her too.. goshhh and my sister was not there.. she's not living at home.. she's staying on her tomboy.. gf.. i really dont know what i can tell to my sis..
i can't count on her, they make my heart hurt everytimes the way they did to there self..yeahh yeahh i know she's a grow woman but my sister even if she's 20 years old girl or 21 i guess.. she's like a 15 years old.. party there party here..drink here smoke there... goshhh who's gonna want a sister like that,.and if u talk to her and say a advice.. she's not listen.. and its seems to her that your the wrong and she's right,

i really wish my sis was wake up in the morning and ask her self if she'd doing a right decision to her life..
ME 13 years old i know's my responsibility. gosh, when im a kid i never experince playing on the street or go with my friend.. sleep over. coz my mom was very strict on me. i need to watch my 4 brother's and takegood care all of them and make sure.. they eat when my family get home.. and if not my mom pinch me on the ears or in the side of my stomach.. and thats really hurt.. i always cry coz i see all my brother and sis they can play.. but me i need to stay at home watch the kids..
while my mom and dad was making a money .
thats why i learn a lot of stuff.. i said to my self.. when i have a child ill not gonna do all the stuff that my family does to me when im young..

ill giving my future kids a loving and care.. and teach them how to be good..
and faith and have respect for one another..

i remmeber also when im a kid.. its raining.. its have storm coming the tree was falling .. we dont have electricity.. my mom always nagging with me, she always say.. gennaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa did u clean all of ur brother and feed them. i said yap .. and judith if i say to her like hey can u help me.. .. coz i need to get some water outside. she's not gonna do it. she just stood there and watch cartoon and show thats she want.. and when my mom get home im the one that my mom always hit a bamboo stick .. anyway about the water yah we get water for our neighbore before its like 35 mins walk.. and u carry a big galloon of water 2 hand. and the other hand have another 2 gallon of water and its raining.. gosh and i finish my stuff about 12 am.. or 11 pm. and i need to wake up 4 am in the morning to cook breakfast all the times.. my mom not let me cook inside the house i need to cook on the wood.. open fire outside.. they call like saing sa labas.. or nag kakahoy they call it..

thats why when the friend of my mom visit to the house they said.. to me..IS that all your child.. i said nope.. they dont believe that im the daugther of alicia ..sometimes i said yap they all my kids.. and they said ohh boy u really look old than your mother..

soo thats why my brain was more grow up and i see whats reality bring's to me when im a kid.. before i grow up very fast.. never enjoy every inch of my life when im a child.. i spend time with my brother taking care all of them,,.. and be.. a nannyy but thats fine. i learn all kind stuff thats why im like this.
I learn for experince of my life. more harder that i have done.. .. more tears that i cry.. and now my heart is a stone now lol
hahhaahaa im a strong woman now..